


Are you my wife

by Clarissa_DN38416



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Other Characters - Freeform, and the events of season 5 onwards, another take on season 7, prepare for tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 12:40:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16346909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clarissa_DN38416/pseuds/Clarissa_DN38416
Summary: The day Sansa had waved goodbye to Jon and watched him leave, Podrick and Brienne had been in the yard and saw Petyr emerge from the place where Jon had come from. They stayed silent as Petyr adjusted his collar and looked up at Sansa before he tried walking away only to fall into the wall and crumble to the ground.





	Are you my wife

**Author's Note:**

> This is a different take on the events of season 5-7 and why I thought this would work to explain ( in my mind one possible reason for some of the writing )
> 
> The poster for this will be up on my Tumblr page @clarissa-dn38416

 

 

 

_"I want you to be happy."_

 

_"I want you to be safe."_

 

_"What do you want that you do not have?"_

 

All he had said and asked stayed with Sansa long after Petyr left her side. As she continued to talk with Brienne and looked down as Petyr was walking away, her eyes followed as he started to head off stop look around him and double back to head back towards the hall.

It was a small insignificant moment she wished looking back on, she had payed more attention to.

 

The day Sansa had waved goodbye to Jon and watched him leave, Podrick and Brienne had been in the yard and saw Petyr emerge from the place where Jon had come from. They stayed silent as Petyr adjusted his collar and looked up at Sansa before he tried walking away only to fall into the wall and crumble to the ground.

Podrick moved without thinking and was going to see what the problem was when Brienne's hand grasped his arm and held him back. They weren't the only one's to witness Petyr's fall and like Brienne the others did nothing as the man still wouldn't get up.

People started walking away, but as Podrick broke free from Brienne a maester had already approached Petyr and called for someone else to help him away.

 

 

 

 

When Petyr awoke in his appointed room only one person was still there occupying the space with him. He looked to be one of Winterfell's maesters and was washing away what looked to be mud or blood in a washbasin.

"What happened?"

The man turned towards Petyr when he heard his voice and Petyr hated how the man looked at him with sympathetic eyes. "You fell."

"I know that, but what else?" Petyr was getting frustrated the longer he had to wait for an answer.

"It's your heart."

"What about it?"

"It's failing."

"How do you know." Petyr demanded as he tried to sit himself up and failed with every attempt, for some reason his arms wouldn't hold his weight and the anger rose as the man came over immediately to help.

The pillows were moved so his back could rest as he was prompted up against the headboard. "I've only ever seen this in one other person and it didn't end-"

"Tell me," Petyr didn't want to hear him ramble off and ordered for him to stay on track.

"He was quite a bit older than yourself, but his body was failing him and the poor man kept falling. My teacher and I did tests with permission of course,"

"Of course." Petyr said to please the man.

"We discovered it was his heart with anything too rigorous."

"But I was barely walking."

The man dared to just shrug his shoulders, like it was nothing, like it occurred everyday.

"How long?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Don't be, how long did he live?" Petyr asked, needing answers.

"Well he was much older and he,"

"How long!" Petyr raised his voice, but restrained himself from yelling.

"Weeks."

All the colour drained from Petyr's face as he contemplated what little time he had left.

 

"Is their anyone you would like me to tell on your behalf?" There was that sympathy again, which angered Petyr more than his diagnosis.

"Get out and tell no one."

The man nodded to let Petyr know and closed the door leaving Petyr alone with his thoughts.

 

 

 

 

Hours later a knock came to his door which took Petyr longer than anticipated as he shuffled his feet to answer his door.

"M 'lady?"

Petyr held onto the door as Sansa passed through and said nothing as he took his time closing it as she sat at his desk.

"I heard you fell the other day."

Petyr was slow as he sat on the end of his bed, closer to where Sansa was occupying the only chair.

"I did? You must've be mistaken."

Sansa didn't know if he was being vague or wanting to deny it ever happened. "I'm not. Many people have come to me with their own accounts."

"Then they are liars."

Sansa ignored Petyr's denial and thought she caught the strangest whiff of a bad smell lingering in the air. "Do you smell that?" The question was unconsciously made but the result was strange.

Petyr stood immediately and was indicating with his arm for her to leave while the other hand clutched at the bed post, "I wish to be alone." When Sansa still remained in her seat he spoke louder, "Leave."

"I'll _go_ ," Sansa said with caution as she made her way to the door, "I too should get some sleep."

 

It was the door slamming at her back that got Sansa attention more than anything. His behaviour had seemed off from the moment that door had opened, which left her more confused than when Podrick had told her of the fall he had witnessed.

 

 

 

 

It had been days since Petyr had dismissed Sansa from his chambers when she was awoken by yelling. Guards in their heavy armour were heard running past her door as the yells became more discernible.

 

"Lady Sansa!"

 

"Were is lady Sansa?"

 

"I need to find lady Sansa!"

 

"It's important, Sansa!"

 

It sounded like Petyr and the panic _or was it worry?_ in his voice had her on high alert. Against her better judgement, Sansa got up and retrieved her thick coat to cover her slip and went out in the hall and walked in the direction of all the commotion.

"What is the problem?" Sansa let her presence known as she came closer and saw the guards physically restraining Petyr back.

He wasn't in his usual attire, only in his undershirt which in the candlelight looked like it hadn't been washed in days. As she examined him further Sansa saw how his whole appearance seemed in disarray. Looking as if he'd lost a whole chunk of weight and his head wouldn't stop moving but it was his eyes that shocked Sansa the most.

His eyes looked haunted, out of focus and confused like he wasn't really there.

"Lord Baelish, what is it?" Sansa asked again.

When his eyes looked to her, he looked vacant as he replied. "I need to talk to lady Sansa."

 _"Lord Baelish?_ I'm right here."

"Are you?"

 

Sansa indicated for the men to let Petyr go and leave them alone, only once their arms no longer held onto him Petyr lost his support and collapsed to his knees.

Sansa didn't want to but sighed before coming closer, she moved down and grasped his arm to help him back to his feet.

 

It surprised her how easy it was and how light Petyr seemed, one of his hands held onto her sleeve as they slowly walked back to his chambers.

"Have you washed, lord Baelish?" Sansa couldn't help asking as resisted the urge to cover her nose.

"Yes."

"When?"

"Before."

That wasn't a proper answer and she tried another question, "Have you eaten?"

"No."

 

As they made it inside his chambers Sansa found out he wasn't lying about not eating. There looked to be days worth of food lying on his desk rotting away.

The room needed airing out, it was beyond stuffy and the smell was worse when the door shut behind them, so not caring that it was winter the window was opened wide.

 

Petyr was left to sit on his bed that looked as if it hadn't been changed in weeks and walked through to the washroom and saw water in the tub, she tested it with a few fingers and found it was ice cold. As she left to find maids to help, Sansa was surprised to find was still where she left him.

 

 

When one of the woman informed her the water was ready, Sansa helped Petyr as the woman went about cleaning and changing his room. As Petyr dropped his clothes Sansa tried to leave but every time that happened his hand held her still as his eyes looked to her in a panic.

"Get in." Sansa ordered and pointed to the water.

 

 

Once he sat himself down one of his hands immediately reached for hers.

"Why were you looking for me?" She asked as he looked to her.

"Who are you?"

"You know exactly who I am."

Petyr turned away from her and mumbled under his breath, but Sansa could still hear him. "Of course I do. Of course I do." When he turned and grasped her shoulders, Sansa tried to fight his hold thinking he was going to pull her into the tub with him but his eyes were searching hers and Sansa could see his pupils were wide and darker than ever.

"I promise I've been keeping her safe, but I don't know how to make her happy. I'm failing you, my love. Tell me how to fix it." Petyr pleaded with her.

"Lord Baelish?"

"Catelyn, why do you keep calling me that?"

Sansa managed to push Petyr away from her and she stood beside him, making Petyr look up at her. "I'm Sansa."

 

" _Sansa?_ Could you ever forgive me?"

"What have you done this time?"

"I held a knife to his throat."

"Who?" Sansa's voice sounded desperate even to her own ears.

"Your husband."

Before Sansa could say she didn't care about Ramsay, Petyr continued. "Ned. I killed him."

 

The sound of skin slapping echoed throughout the tiled room and the sheer confusion on Petyr's face as she left him alone shaking in the steaming water with a bruise forming on his cheek brought a tear to Sansa's eyes.

She rushed past the woman who had just finished changing the sheets on Petyr's bed and rushed back to her own chambers and shut the door before anyone could see her cry or hear her screams as she fell face first onto her bed.

 

 

 

 

The arrival of Bran had greatly distracted Sansa from Petyr's strange behaviour days ago and gave her the perfect excuse to dismiss him every time there was a request to speak. When she saw him earlier in the day he seemed to be his usual self again, he was still walking slow but there hadn't been another instant to report and thought nothing more of it.

 

 

She was aware of Petyr even visiting Bran, holding something in his hand he was trying to hide it and once he came back out moments later it was gone. As she wondered what he could possibly be up to, she made sure to have someone keep an eye on Petyr's comings and goings.

It went unsaid but people were starting to suspect that Sansa was avoiding Petyr, and they were right.

Saying what he said about her father, it got to her on a personal level. She couldn't stand the sight of him and when news spread of Arya returning that also helped to keep her mind off other matters.

 

 

 

 

It wasn't until Sansa stopped to watch her sister fight with Brienne that she saw Petyr again. She couldn't remember if they held a conversation, Sansa refused to give him her attention anyway.

It was only when Petyr became unusually quiet did Sansa turn to look at him. Petyr seemed to be looking down with vacant eyes till he caught her staring. Knowing it was useless to walk away or run, but she didn't want to know what he was going to say and started to walk away.

 

Her steps were light and fast as she rushed down the stairs and was halfway through the yard when she felt the urge to turn around when she didn't feel anyone near her.

 

Petyr was paused near the top of the staircase, wanting to get down but not moving. Sansa frowned and wondered what his game was when he finally took hold of the handrail tighter than normal and as if in slow motion one foot seemed to have missed the step or misjudged the distance to step down and Sansa was helpless to watch as the man tumbled down the entire wooden structure.

 

The horrible ugly sound his body made as he finally reached the ground made everyone else pause.

Petyr wasn't moving nor was he making any sound and only when Sansa rushed over did people finally move to help.

 

 

 

 

With business and people to attend to, it took many days for Sansa to find time to visit Petyr's chamber, knowing he had a maester with him.

As she made her approach it was strange that no one had informed her that there were armed guards standing by his door. "What is the meaning of this?" She demanded.

"He tries to escape at night." The one of the left spoke first and continued when she gave him a hand motion. "He doesn't make any sense and makes up the lamest excuses."

"Such as?" Sansa asked.

"Someone's stolen his scrolls or his clothes."

"Don't forget he was accusing us of stealing his bird pin last night." The man on the right spoke up.

"Anything else?" Sansa asked impatient.

"He keeps yelling for you, m 'lady."

 

Sansa walked through the door, a clear dismissal of the conversation. Thinking they were talking a load of rubbish, Petyr wouldn't do such nonsense things and paused in the doorway when she saw Petyr had been physically tied to his bed.

There were visible bruises on multiple parts of his body and his nose and forehead had nasty gashes that were still bleeding slightly. He was lying there silent as a mouse and with his head tilted to one side, his eyes looked vacant again.

The maester sitting at Petyr's desk looked up when Sansa slammed the door shut.

"What is the meaning of this," Sansa was pointing at Petyr and didn't know why looking at him in this way distressed her.

"It's for his own protection."

"How is that even- what is your name." Sansa changed directions and was thinking of who she was going to inform of this young maesters misconduct of a patient.

"Maester Loc, m 'lady. Please just listen first before you decide to take my head." He pleaded and looked at her desperately.

Her hands twitched but she allowed him to go on.

"He's sick, sicker than we all thought."

"What do you mean?" Sansa asked as she sat on the end of the bed by one of Petyr's feet.

"It's not just his failing heart, but his mind is going too."

"You talk as if you've known this for a while," Sansa told Loc as she turned to him, not liking what she was hearing.

"Yes, I believe he hid it well, even from me. After his first fall months ago I found his heart to be weakening, but his mind.... Now that must've been years."

Sansa looked down a Petyr and wondered if he had known what his mind was doing to him. "How do you know it's been years?" She asked.

"Some of my first cases I was involved in were of people loosing their minds. First they forget little things, like how to dress or when to eat, then it's memories. Some have been known to confuse or even blend memories together."

 

He kept talking but the white noise inside Sansa head drowned him out. Could Petyr have been telling the truth that he didn't know about Ramsay, or had his mind just forgotten? There were so many things now not making sense, while others seemed much more clear.

 

"Then a patient will forget how to walk and from there it gets worse as they loose the ability to speak."

"How long does he... ?"

Sansa couldn't bring herself to say it and Loc quietened down when he realised he'd over explained to someone again, "Days."

 

Sansa looked down at her lap and felt conflicted, this man had confessed not that long ago to killing her father and now if all these facts presented, she couldn't trust his word anymore if it was a truth or a lie.

"Surely we could loosen the restraints," Sansa looked over to see Petyr was looking at her with sad teary eyes and didn't know how long he'd been staring.

"I'm sorry but he tries to crawl out bed and ends up hurting himself more." Loc sounded sympathetic but he came across as more annoyed, like a person in this condition was an inconvenience to his own time. Sansa moved and sat herself closer to his chest and reached over to untie one of his hands.

"You shouldn't do that!"

Sansa again ignored Loc and lowered Petyr's free hand into her lap were she held it gentle in hers. His skin felt different, more coarse than the last time he'd touched her and felt all the bones in his hand realising how much thinner he'd gotten.

"Why haven't his wounds been tended to?" Sansa, didn't think much of Loc, but needed to know just the same.

"They have been, but he pulls the bandages off so we've given up wasting anymore of them."

 

 

 

Sansa ended up saying with Petyr for hours after finding out the truth of his condition and when the pain in back worsen from inactivity she left when she thought Petyr fell asleep.

 

The room was dark and Sansa must've forgotten to close the window before she went to sleep, for when the sound of insistent knocking woke her, the moon shining through gave her enough light to cover herself decently before answering.

"M 'lady, the maester is asking for you." One of Petyr's guards spoke in haste and she followed him as she yawned and tried to wake herself up more.

 

 

 

As they got closer and walked down the end of the hall towards Petyr's chambers, Sansa could hear her name being called again repeatedly and rushed in to see the maester trying to hold down Petyr's thrashing body.

The restraints weren't obviously working and Petyr seemed to be struggling more when his arms were held down.

"Petyr calm down!"

Loc's yelling could barely be heard over shouts of Sansa's name and she stepped up beside the bed and the moment she grasped his hand Petyr stopped all movement.

"Untie lord Baelish at once and then bring me someone who can get me a comfortable chair to sit in." The look Sansa gave the maester made him cower and he fumbled and rushed to do her bidding.

Petyr's rough fingers were caressing what part of Sansa's hand he could and he turned on his side to face her once his body was freed.

 

 

 

The next time Sansa awoke she was in a chair with a soft cushion behind her, her hand was still being clutched now by both his hands and saw Petyr to be asleep.

The room was quiet and the maester had left them to probably clean himself up or just needing a moment to himself before going back to Petyr's round the clock care, either way Sansa didn't care but wondered what woke her.

The reflection of light off the blade of a dagger got Sansa moving and she held onto Arya's wrist with her only free hand.

"He's dying." Sansa whispered to her sister.

"And you hold his hand, why?"

Arya looked up at her with an expression Sansa couldn't decipher.

"He would do the same for me."

"Would he _really?"_

Arya was sceptical and Sansa couldn't blame her, it was a poor excuse and she knew it from the moment she said it.

"Arya you don't know what we've been through, _together. For years."_ Sansa tried pointing out, "Talk to him and if you still want to kill him I won't stop you."

 

 

 

 

Petyr slept for hours and Sansa couldn't bring herself to wake him, Arya vanished but like magic she returned hours later when the maester was trying to feed Petyr his breakfast without any positive results.

 

"Lord Baelish my sister is here, I just need to leave for a moment but I'll be right back." Sansa spoke softly to Petyr and he only seemed to take notice when she said _leave_.

"Catelyn, no please don't leave me alone with Lysa. Stay?"

"Arya, not Lysa."

Sansa managed to step back and Petyr kept calm as his eyes never strayed from her muttering Arya's name repeatedly under his breath.

 

Arya took the unoccupied chair and pushed it back from the bed out of arms distance, not to stop Petyr from reaching her but from her reaching him.

"How much are you faking?"

Arya looked right at Petyr and for a moment she thought he smirked, only for his eyes to go blank. The maester had something soft and mushy in a bowl and when the spoon neared Petyr's mouth he knocked it away.

"Petyr you need to eat!"

"Not hungry!" Petyr yelled back at Loc who was yelling again, which had the reverse affect when Sansa had been talking softly.

Arya would've probably been like Loc, but she wouldn't've been helping in the first place.

"Fine! Starve then!" Loc smacked the bowl on the desk and left the two alone.

 

 

"Tell me about Kingslanding."

Petyr looked at Arya with confusion before he muttered under his breath making her lean forward in her chair.

"It's cold. It's cold. It's cold." He said that for a while before something else got her attention.

"You hate _her._ With the Lannister's to save herself. You guilty too. Guilty too... Two little girls captured under lion's paw. Neither know what other... other... other endured."

 

Petyr looked up at the ceiling and muttered Sansa's name under his breath.

 

"What can you tell me about... Ned." Arya paused and for a second was going to say father instead.

"Ned. Ned. _Ned._ His black hair. Angry eyes. _Hurt._ Stupid fat man. Don't rule. Know how. He couldn't even... with wife, too busy! With brother! _Trusting weak..._ Leads fight. No chance, winning. Pain, _pain._ Unlike anything. Leaves you stronger... _sometimes._ He lied. Used me. Broker, broker own deal. Stupid little foul. Messing, never back down. Underestimated young idiot. Too much power. Too much. _Too much."_

Petyr turned and looked at Arya, "I swear on my life Ned that I would help Catelyn. I did. _I did._ You see... don't you? How she rules. It's beautiful, she's beautiful. _Beautiful._ Beautiful."

 

 

"Look at me and tell me who I am," It took Arya a while to find her voice.

His movements were slow and when he turned his body to face her his eyes wouldn't focus on anything.

"I... _no._.. I... Sansa. _Sansa._ Sansa."

"I'm here lord Baelish." Sansa said immediately from behind Arya, whom was standing by the door since she had asked her last question.

 

Arya got up for her sister and lingered by the doorway and saw how Sansa sat beside the man, wondering why she was really do it.

 

 

 

 

The day was longer than any Sansa had been through and every hour that passed Petyr seemed to worsen and weaken. The night was easier than she thought it would be and as she fell asleep her last thought was if he would still be alive when her eyes opened again.

 

 

His lasted the night and as she tried talking to him she found out his speech left him and all he could manage were small grunts which he released every now and again which filled the quiet and let her know he was still breathing.

 

The only time Petyr moved was when he tried moving closer to Sansa when she was reading silently and stopped when she grasped his hand again.

Maester Loc only returned around supper time and handed Sansa a plate of food already cut up for her so the other could remain in Petyr's. As the only light was from the fire in the heath, reading became worse and the hand in hers was trying weakly to bring her closer.

 

 

 

 

Not wanting to spend another night on the chair she laid down beside Petyr and found him coming closer to her side and settle close. His head rested by her shoulder and his finger were caressing hers again.

 

"I forgive you."

 

Sansa whispered as she heard his soft grunts as he breathed in and out slower with each one. "I'll always be grateful to you for getting me out of Kingslanding and..."

Sansa choked as she tried to hold in her tears. "And I forgive you, for handing me to Ramsay."

 

She felt lighter for saying it to him, even though she knew he wouldn't remember.

 

 

 

 

For some unknown reason Sansa couldn't bring herself to go to sleep, every time she looked in Petyr's direction his eyes were still looking at her.

His shaking had gotten worse, the seconds between his breathes were getting longer by the minute and his tears came steadily down in the fur around her collar.

 

Tears pooled in Sansa's eyes when she saw how afraid he was.

His mouth was moving again and it took Sansa a while to figure out his was mouthing her name again. For some reason he was fixated on that one name and didn't know why he was saying it anymore.

 

 

 

As the fire slowly died out and the room grew darker, Petyr's shaking increased and thought lighting some candles would help but Petyr's hands grasped at her when she tried to move away. So instead she lay back down and held him close.

 

His head was now on her chest and with one hand she brushed her fingers gently through his hair, "It's alright Petyr. I'll stay."

 

_"Ah."_

 

Petyr spoke softly and Sansa was going to ignore it when he tried again.

 

_"Ah?"_

 

She paused and moved Petyr's face so she could see his lips to make out what he was saying.

 

"Are...

yo...

you...

my...

wi...

wife?"

 

Her tears came steadily and all she could do was nod. _"Yes."_ She barely got the word out and it seemed to settle something inside him as his head rested back on her shoulder.

 

Sansa didn't know how long she laid there crying and couldn't hear anything over the sound of her choking gasps as her tears worsened.

 

Sansa grasped the sides of his head gently and placed a kiss to his temple and wondered to herself why he felt so cold.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Only some of you are aware ( you know who you are ) why I felt the need to write this. It's hard for me to share this and if you read to the end and are reading this, it's very clear why. 
> 
> The symptoms I was describing was Dementia and heart frailer. ( I know that not every person experiences the same symptoms, I only wrote what I know and have seen myself ) It's slow and hard and often times painful to watch as you see the person you love get worse.


End file.
